Re: I need some advice I am torn

Thanks to you both.

Re: I need some advice I am torn

Bonk, keep your head up, you're doing the right thing and it takes a solid set of stones to push emotion aside to do what's best for you sometimes. The ultimate loser here will be her, you tried to make it work and from what I've read, she really didn't care. I've never been married, but I can tell you that one of my closest friends is going thru basically the same thing you are and I've talked to him a lot about it. You need a good chat, I'm here meng.

Re: I need some advice I am torn

Thanks sir, I know I am doing the right thing. The few people who now the full story have told me I should have left a while ago. Too much to type up, but I should have left years ago.


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Re: I need some advice I am torn

Bonckers wrote:

Thanks sir, I know I am doing the right thing. The few people who now the full story have told me I should have left a while ago. Too much to type up, but I should have left years ago.

You're doing the right thing. My first marriage was a mess. Too long of a story to tell. But, I will tell you this, once he betrayed me and I knew it, it was done. He broke my trust, and once trust is broken, there is no viable relationship.it sounds like your wife has broken yours. My ex husband tried to come back, and I just stayed strong and said " no" . We had a three year old daughter and I wanted better for her and myself. Guess what? I got better. I met my second husband with much clearer goals and maturity. We have been happily married for 19 years. All due to the right choice. God gives you the signs, you just have to read them.

Re: I need some advice I am torn

Yea the problem is I made excuses. When I finally had enough I realized all the signs and reasons I should have left years before. I may be catching grief between her, her parents, and the church. But everyone else seems to understand.


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Re: I need some advice I am torn

Bonckers wrote:

Yea the problem is I made excuses. When I finally had enough I realized all the signs and reasons I should have left years before. I may be catching grief between her, her parents, and the church. But everyone else seems to understand.


Yep. It's also painful to realize that someone you loved has betrayed you. My first husband was fooling around on me, but I was pregnant and too vulnerable to admit it to myself. When I finally got the strength to finally say" no more", my brother in law said everyone was wondering how long it was going to take me to figure it out.I get it though, no-one else can make you see things until you are ready to see them for yourself.Her parents are of course going to be on her side. As for the church, I'm sorry , but is the stance that you should stay in a bad marriage to appease a religion? I'm spiritual, and I believe in god. i believe God wants us to love ourselves as he loves us. How can one love themselves if they are being abused by another? Trust me, if your wife is pulling all the crap you've told us, she is emotionally abusing you.

Re: I need some advice I am torn

So really not doubting my decision after last night. She went over to the house before I got off of work after I told her I filed, and tore up the divorce paperwork and put our wedding pictures back on the wall. She must have been there to take the dogs again, but I took them to a friends house before I told her knowing she was gonna go crazy. All the time begging me to go have another conversation with her at the therapist. I told her no I gave you two hours there when I told you I wanted one and answered your questions, you wrote me a letter which I read, and met another hour and a half at the house with you after all of that. Going to call the sherrifs office and ask how I can remove her stuff from the home as the paperwork they gave me stated I could not forcibly do that. I want to to change the locks, but until we are divorced Florida law says I cannot unless all of her stuff is out.

Re: I need some advice I am torn

Then move, not easy, but if she's going there, go.

Officially Licensed WhoDatZone Rally Ape™

Re: I need some advice I am torn

Can you put her stuff in a storage locker?  Put it in her name and mail her the keys.

Re: I need some advice I am torn

No according to the paperwork I received I cannot remove any of her items without her permission. Didn't have time to call Sherrif yesterday. had to fight with my insurance company who said I wasn't pay my premiums. I am going to call the court house today and try to see how I can go about having it removed, and get with the landlord to either break the lease, or have her removed from it. If I have to I will remove myself from the lease and move out. Just really don't want to do all that if possible. Also got the bank account about empty as I know she is going to try and clean it out. I opened a new one and only left enough money to cover bills already mailed out. Last night she posted all over Facebook that she wouldn't grant me a divorce, and than put her maiden name back up. It's funny because she keeps showing all she wants is attention.

Re: I need some advice I am torn

If they won't let you remove her stuff then you're going to have to move bro. She's not going to stop, she's delusional, you're gonna have to leave. She's not going to let you go, she's decided that if she cant' have you no one will and is going to continue to make your life hell. Rise above her and it, you're in a pickle, you're the only one whom can get you out of that pickle. You've tried to leave so she's going to exercise her immaturity until you put her out of reach. Get her removed or remove yourself so she can't come, that or a restraining order, since the prior isn't really there, your only option is to take back your life.

Officially Licensed WhoDatZone Rally Ape™

Re: I need some advice I am torn

No I agree, would suck having to move, but if they won't let me remove her stuff I will either break the lease or ask to be taken off of it.

Re: I need some advice I am torn

Sorry Bonk, she's just going to go there, you know this in your heart of hearts. I don't want you to have to move either, but if you want peace of mind, any for that matter, get her removed from the lease or remove yourself, cuz she's not going to. She is a child throwing a temper tantrum, you're going to have to be the bigger human in this one, this you already knew as well.

Officially Licensed WhoDatZone Rally Ape™

Re: I need some advice I am torn

In addition to what ATN said, my advice would be to close the joint account. She could still write checks that would leave you responsible for NSF charges if the account is still active. If she writes checks against a closed account,the burden is on her.


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65 (edited by Allan 07-30-2015 10:26:06)

Re: I need some advice I am torn

faceman wrote:

In addition to what ATN said, my advice would be to close the joint account. She could still write checks that would leave you responsible for NSF charges if the account is still active. If she writes checks against a closed account,the burden is on her.

Or instead of completely closing it out, which I can see might cause a bit of a problem with her, just get YOUR name taken off the account and leave hers on it. She will still not like it and like I said, it will be a problem that she will not like, but hey, it gives you an out.
You also said that you had the money in it to cover bills this month. If you meant that was just for July then cool, you're done with the bills in that account. Just start writing out your bills on your new account that has only your name on it for all future bills and stuff.
(I do believe in having a joint account with someone you trust, just IN CASE something was to happen to you, like a car accident that leaves you in the hospital for a few weeks or some other unforeseeable problem in that vain.)


I had a joint account, but with my mom, years ago after Katrina when I was helping her get her house back together with the "Road Home" program money. But, after everything was done, I took my name off and left the money that was left over for her to use that was in the account. (I am not sure if you can do that since it's a joint account with your wife, but I don't see why you couldn't.)
We have since added my name back to moms account since she cannot really get around at all anymore, so I can help her handle her bills.
So yeah, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to just take your name off of it, leaving only hers.
That way if she does write checks or uses a check card it won't come back with you having to pay for any of her crap she buys. Leaving her to learn to deal with it like an adult.


On a side note, after all of this is over for you and when do you meet a new chick that you really dig, you can save yourself a bit of headache by just not getting married legally.
For instance even though I call Nancy my wife and she calls me her husband, we really never got married. I had gotten her an engagement ring back in 1995 about six months after dating her, but we just never set a date. We both sat one day and talked about what could happen if, down the road, we did split up. How we would have to deal with each others bills, credit and such. So we agreed to just not "legally" become husband and wife and made or own little promises in a ceremony over a nice home cooked meal. big_smile We will have been together for 20 years this coming Oct. and everything has worked out just fine. That's why I call her my "wife" even though we were never married. Like we always say, we don't need a piece of paper to prove that we love each other. Some may say we are "living in sin" but IMO as long as we love each other and treat each other right, I don't think God would have much of a problem with it. If anything I think he would have more of a problem with a divorce after promising, in "the lord's house" of all places that we would never split up our "holy union."

Wanted to add a tiny bit more, but once again I gotta go. Just got a call from my sons girlfriend who needs a ride home from work. UGG...

Just one more thing quickly though....Separate beds! Separate rooms are even better! Trust me it works!
I have seen it plenty of times with older couples that lasted a LONG time. lol

EDIT: My WIFE said she will go pick her up, so cool. I could add more to this. But, I think that's enough.
See, give and take....I brought my sons girl to work (the poor thing really needs a damn car) this morning and my wife is nice enough to go pick her up. If there is no "give and take" just "take" then it will NEVER work. I don't care who the person is married to. Unless one or the other is completely whipped. But, that isn't healthy at all either and will eventually die.

I wish people would stop saying rights are protected by the constitution.
The Constitution protects nothing. Neither does it grant us our rights. The Constitution only outlines the restraints
upon the government
, and recognizes those rights all people are inherently born with.
The act of restraining the government, ensuring for time eternal the rights enshrined in The Constitution, is our responsibility to shoulder-- the courage, honor, and arms of all of us people who believe in it.

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Re: I need some advice I am torn

So today she shows while I'm in the shower and harasses me to get the dogs. I took them out of the home so she would not take them like she has done before. Let's just say she blocked me in and I was late to work by over 30 minutes.

Re: I need some advice I am torn

She sounds absolutely nuts. Her actions this morning only confirm that you are making the correct decision here. Just be careful around her because she sounds really unstable right now. Irrational people tend to do irrational things.

Re: I need some advice I am torn

Dude, she's delusional and now harassing you for fun. Restraining order or move are your only options now. She's going to try to play you like a fiddle, prepare accordingly. Don't tell her what, when, or whatever you're doing or when or how. She's only out to show you how crazy she is. Avoid her at all costs, she is escalating this, you have to act accordingly. She came to you this AM cuz she knew you'd be in the shower, become unpredictable.

Officially Licensed WhoDatZone Rally Ape™

Re: I need some advice I am torn

No I agree, I called the landlord who told me she would contact her and tell her she either signs off on coming out of the lease, or she will break the lease, than allowing me to sign another one. I had been staying at a friends house, but am avoiding that now, as I do not want her bringing the drama to someone else. I may go stay at my rents even though I do not want to.

Re: I need some advice I am torn

Wanted to drop some good news in here, I haven't updated any of you lately. I met with a lawyer on Thursday after trying to do most of this alone. Now I wish I had done it sooner. She is still not off the lease, and has dragged it out ridiculously long. Cost me $1500 for the lawyer, but will no longer have to fear what she is trying to pull next as the lawyer told me she does not qualify for alimony, which she is trying to get, and she will be working to expedite the removing her off the lease since she has continued to harras me and I cannot live at my home.
Main reason I did not get a lawyer before was because I expected it to cost several thousand dollars. She said because I already filed it made their job easier, and now they get to work on solving the sal problems since we do not have any kids or real assets to split.