Ok guys had an interesting twist on things after our appointment. Sorry again not really anywhere else for me to let it out. My mother in law and I have become very close the last week and a half. She brings me leftovers after they eat and calls to make sure I'm ok. so naturally we talk about everything. My therapist earlier in the week told me that my wife's and my relationship has a HUGE problem that needs to be fixed before we can go further and we addressed it today. She said our relationship is more that of parent/child than a marriage, and I honestly agreed after she explained. My anger deals from he acting like a 16 year kid rather than an adult. Now I still have major issues in learning how to deal with and express my anger. But her and my mother in law both agreed I had a right to be upset when I was.
My wife would take the role of a child and I would enable it with my anger. When I would ask her to make dinner she would not, and because I would pick up dinner or make it when I got home I enabled her to not want to make dinner. Than I would get mad about it and lose patience and yell more about it after a few days of no dinner. She acted like most 16 year olds do, and rebel and not ever make dinner. Same thing with getting a job. Because I made enough to pay the bills and still allowed her to go shopping and buy things she wanted and take vacations I was telling her it was ok for her not to work. So today the therapist and I agreed that the best thing moving forward was me not to give her anymore spending money at all until she gets a job. My wife and I agreed she needed to get a job so we could pay off some debt. We accrued some while she was in college. I put off paying off bills to pay cash for her to get a degree. She and I agreed when she graduated it would be very easy with her getting an entry level job in her career we could pay off all our bills in less 6 months to a year easily. Well she took her last exam in December of 2013. She has only in the last 3 months put in applications and has only put in 5. So I told her I would not pay for her to go out with her friends to concerts or shopping or for her to go on vacation with her Mom back to Michigan next month. Which in all honesty probably would have cost me about $1500 after plan ticket, and spending cash.
Her Mom today apologized to me which helped me feel better. She told me she didn't realize how much they did for her until my wife moved back in this past week. She said that she did no service to me or her daughters relationship raising her the way they did, and that she was going to do everything she could to help. By not inviting her out when they go out to dinner, and not doing her laundry, or anything for her from this point forward. As she realized how much she and her husband enabled her and created the monster that my wife and I are now facing.
It all came to a head today because my wife told me she was not applying for jobs because she is going to a concert on the weekend of the 24th in Jacksonville and that is why she cannot apply for any jobs. Not to mention the following weekend is when she was supposed to go with her mother back to Michigan. The therapist and myself told her that does not make any sense and that she could still apply or jobs but while interviewing she could explain the trip to Jacksonville and trip to Michigan. That is when we told her about our relationship which she agreed about until I told her I did not want to enable her behaviors anymore. Than she got mad, and after the appointment wouldn't look at me or talk to me and sped off. My mother in law than told me later today she is not allowing her to travel with her to Michigan because she will not enable her by paying her way. We both decided today was not the best day to tell my wife that yet though, and to wait a couple of days for her to cool off before telling her.
I do have to admit at this point that I have never felt more that there is a very strong chance that our marriage may be over. BUT, I am ok with that. I know that if I did not do or say what I did today our marriage would have ended due to our relationship never changing. It may be that we get divorced, but at least now I know what I need to do to be a better father, husband, and person. I also know that I did everything I possibly could have to help her as well. I did everything I could for my wife, myself, and my marriage. So even if she decides to file for divorce I did the absolute best I could and I will be better for it later.